The World’s Most Effective Alarm Clock

{Insert infomercial music here.}

Do you struggle to wake up every morning? Tired of hitting the snooze again and again? Wish you could rocket out of bed to greet the day?

Forget those high-priced alarm clocks that we all know don’t work.

Instead, allow me to introduce you to the world’s best, most effective alarm clock! GUARANTEED to get your heart pumping with adrenaline, your eyes wide open, your brain rid of any sleep, and your feet on the floor and sprinting!

Are you ready?!

It’s called… The Barfing Dog!*

Here’s how it works, step by step:

  1. Get dog
  2. Leave dog alone, unattended in house for a few hours with easy access to garbage (ensure garbage is stinky enough to attract dog)
  3. Come back, clean up garbage strewn across the house, and feed dog dinner
  4. Go to bed, allowing dog to join you (like you have a choice, but let’s pretend you do)
  5. Go to sleep; the deeper sleep, the better
  6. At a time not requested nor controllable, dog will crawl up to your head and and begin to barf onto your pillow. At the first guttural sound of “bleeeeeeechhhhh,” you will awake with heart-exploding alacrity, screaming “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” It’s like magic!
  7. Sprint across house holding barfing dog, depositing dog outside
  8. Strip entire bed and wash sheets in the middle of the night
  9. Do not go back to sleep
  10. Go to work! Embrace the day! You are AWAKE!

 

The Barfing Dog! is patent-pending.

Hey pretty lady
Deceptively adorable. Ridiculously pukey.

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