On Dieting

30 Apr

I started a new diet on the recommendation of my nutritionist. It’s called The Rosedale Diet, and I’ve felt amazing since Day 1 (minus some afternoon fatigue the first week due to detoxing).

What is this diet, in a very tiny nutshell?

No:

  • carbs
  • sugar (including some veggies and almost all fruit)
  • a lot of red meat
  • most cheeses
  • too much protein

Yes:

  • Fish
  • Organic, omega-3 eggs
  • Most veggies
  • Healthy fats, like EVOO
  • Feta and goat cheese
  • Small meals throughout the day
  • Lots of water

I’m snacking on an avocado right now. This is how I feel about that (and The Rosedale Diet in its entirety):

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The World’s Most Effective Alarm Clock

10 Apr

{Insert infomercial music here.}

Do you struggle to wake up every morning? Tired of hitting the snooze again and again? Wish you could rocket out of bed to greet the day?

Forget those high-priced alarm clocks that we all know don’t work.

Instead, allow me to introduce you to the world’s best, most effective alarm clock! GUARANTEED to get your heart pumping with adrenaline, your eyes wide open, your brain rid of any sleep, and your feet on the floor and sprinting!

Are you ready?!

It’s called… The Barfing Dog!*

Here’s how it works, step by step:

  1. Get dog
  2. Leave dog alone, unattended in house for a few hours with easy access to garbage (ensure garbage is stinky enough to attract dog)
  3. Come back, clean up garbage strewn across the house, and feed dog dinner
  4. Go to bed, allowing dog to join you (like you have a choice, but let’s pretend you do)
  5. Go to sleep; the deeper sleep, the better
  6. At a time not requested nor controllable, dog will crawl up to your head and and begin to barf onto your pillow. At the first guttural sound of “bleeeeeeechhhhh,” you will awake with heart-exploding alacrity, screaming “NOOOOOOOOO!!!” It’s like magic!
  7. Sprint across house holding barfing dog, depositing dog outside
  8. Strip entire bed and wash sheets in the middle of the night
  9. Do not go back to sleep
  10. Go to work! Embrace the day! You are AWAKE!

 

The Barfing Dog! is patent-pending.

Hey pretty lady

Deceptively adorable. Ridiculously pukey.

Yard Work Superpowers

8 Apr

First, I will say that I think I need to amend my daily workouts to help me better prepare for “real life.”

My husband woke up about an hour before I did yesterday to get a jump on yard work so that I could be helpful whenever I made my way out of bed. So I felt especially badly that after only about :30 minutes of me picking up leaves yesterday, he found me plopped on my back in the front yard whilst he continued to vigorously rake and rake and rake (and rake, and rake). I now know why he curses at the acorns or leaves when they just fall with reckless abandon after he works for hours in the yard. That sh*t is annoying.

After lunch, with all the piles of leaves now safely in bags, he was scrounging for ways I could help while staying out of the way, so he set me up to use the leaf blower (those dang leaves…) to clear off the drive and walkway. I’ve never used one of these before, and it is trickier than you might think, particularly if it’s windy, and doubly so if your next door neighbors are outside, watching you. I tried really hard not to blow the leaves into the neighbor’s yard, but there was really no helping it for this novice. I have no doubt that I looked rather dumb, or inconsiderate, or both, so I finally just gave up, figuring the wind would blow the leaves wherever in any case.

I did, however, very much enjoy watching the leaves rocket away from my feet; it made me feel like I was an X-Man with wind superpowers, just willing away debris in my path.

That part was awesome. And totally nerdy.

Newlywed-ness

2 Apr

This is my first post in a very long (verrrrry long) time. About a year ago, someone very special asked me to marry him, and in February 2013, we tied the knot. And, with about a month under my belt, I can say that I love being married. To know that, while life is short, our lives will now forever be intertwined is a cool, surreal feeling.

I feel like I spent my life heretofore as a sprinter, and now I’m settling in for the marathon, and it’s a total shift of mind, body, and spirit. Even in this newness, there is hard work, but there is joy. And in each day, I want to do good, to do right, and to laugh.

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Here’s a little story that has been tickling my funny-bone for the past few days:

My husband is well-regarded in his family (and by me) as a most excellent giver of gifts. I have no doubt that on my birthday next week, I will receive a healthy mix of the practical and the frivolous/pretty. I’ve made comments here and there about what I might like to receive, and he nods, filing the information away in that elephantine memory of his. 

This weekend, he borrowed my car to drive to see his extended family for a rainy afternoon, and when he returned he proudly announced: “I know what I’m getting you for your birthday this year!”

“Oh?” I coyly replied, sitting on the couch as he puttered around in the kitchen.

“Yep! One of those little umbrellas that fit in the door of your car.”

At this point, I’m staring forward, and he’s a few feet behind me. I can feel his eyes on the back of my head, and the horror that washes over him as he realizes what he’s just said is palpable. I say nothing, as he quickly covers his tracks, assuring me that he will certainly be getting me another present, too.

He laughs, and says, “I mean, that would be like getting you a vacuum cleaner for your birthday; I know better than that.”

I laugh, too, knowing all is well. He pauses and mutters, “though we do need a new vacuum cleaner…”

The Time Machine

21 Mar

My mind? Blown.

Mad Men returns this Sunday night (eek!), and Newsweek took the opportunity to create a retro-yet-current issue, highlighting real time stories, up-to-date news compared with where we were in the 60′s, plus a few photos and reports from over 40 years ago. I have never consumed a magazine quite so… rabidly. I am feasting on every single page: what is new, what is old? It is a vortex of eras, and I am spin, spin, spinning in it.

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The best part? The ads.

I notice ads. I dissect them – the visual and verbal messages, the intent and position. I am ruthless yet respectful. But these ads are fun. I am (dare I say it?) proud of these agencies and companies who either dug into the archives to resurrect art that has been collecting dust for a few decades, or created something appropriate even though the company on display has only been around this century. [AT&T? You really could have done something special. I'm not even going to show your lazy 4G ad here!]

I’m still pouring over the pages, but when I came to this Allstate ad, I just HAD to stop and write this post. Up until the below ad, the prior displays were cool but disconcerting, leaving my brain on unsure footing: QR codes and web addresses juxtaposed with decidedly-1960s set-ups. But, in my opinion, Allstate and their hilarious Mayhem nailed this issue; it is perfectly, delightfully anachronistic when it ends with “In 47 years, visit http://www.Allstate.com.”; Genius.

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Well done, Newsweek.

Sunday Night (Healthy) Cooking

11 Mar

When the man you love loves your curves, your motivation to bring your diet A-game every day dwindles. And when your primary and most joyous couple activity is cooking (and thus eating) with (almost) abandon, your clothes invariably get a wee bit tight. But, fortunately, this is true love, and thus tomorrow morning, my man has agreed to join me on a 24-day health bender. Nothing too crazy, just some good (for us) food and a system of supplements.*

So, as I unpacked my trunk-load of veggies and proteins from the store, I figured I’d get a jump on what is sure to be a busy work and social week. I’m a big, big (big) fan of doing as much prep work in advance so (healthy) meals come together quickly, and therefore I stay on track^. My fella and I purchased quinoa (never tried it? Really good and SO good for you, particularly if you’re like me and trying to avoid gluten), and I decided to take advantage of a little extra energy this evening and pre-make quinoa pilaf for the week. Ladies and gents (okay, mainly ladies), I invented a recipe. Mark this day in history!

LolaK Quinoa Pilaf Ingredients

  • 1 box/2 cups quinoa (I used Ancient Harvest; they have a great line of products)
  • 4 cups low-sodium vegetable broth
  • 1 small head of broccoli, diced (I used a small amount of stem)
  • 1/2 large yellow onion, diced
  • 2 cloves garlic, thinly sliced
  • seasoning, to taste

Grab a large-ish pot. Drop in all ingredients except seasoning and bring to a boil. Once you have a boil, lower to simmer, cover, and cook until all liquid is absorbed. My concoction took about 20 minutes until all liquid was absorbed; cook time will vary depending on your selected veggies (I used what I had on hand). Then I seasoned with Maldon Sea Salt (my FAVE) and garlic salt (my OTHER fave). Now it’s ready to roll for lunch with salad or dinner with… well, I don’t know yet, but I’m looking forward to eating it!

What’s your favorite, healthy, make-ahead meal? I’m always on the hunt!

As the man in my life says, “yum, yum. Eat ‘em up!”

*My trainer is an AdvoCare rep. Let me know if you’re interested and she’ll hook you up.

^I also pre-washed/prepped 2 heads lettuce, 3 tomatoes, 1 cucumber, and 1 bunch green onion (and even put the base of the stalks in water to see if they’ll grow again!). I am SO ready to kick this week’s bootie.

Mellow Wednesday Music

1 Feb

As I do my best this morning to fight back the growing desire to go on a scorched earth rampage (coming home last night to a dead fridge/freezer full of Whole Foods groceries did not help AT ALL), I try to calm my frayed nerve endings with a little music. If you’re having one of “those” days as well, I hope this helps you, too.

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